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London to Singapore to Sydney, plastic forks and peanuts

So this is some stuff I wrote on the plane while I was flying over to Sydney plus a little bit of stuff I’ve been up to since I’ve been back. I didn’t have my camera or iPhone on the plane so not many photos I’m afraid. Here’s a nice on of an amazing cake I had at the weekend that my Friends wife made. It was so nice. A strawberry cake but it was a really light mouse/foam strawberry thing on a really nice coconut biscuit base. It was like eating a strawberry cloud! yummy in my tummy! We were also treated to some amazing italian cakes from a place called Tambor Rino Pasticceria. they looked amazing and tasted just as good. The pistachio profiterole was a particular highlight!

So onto the flight…..

I’m flying to Sydney with Singapore airlines via Singapore (surprisingly). First impressions are pretty good. The screens have USB attachments which I’m hoping means I can charge the iPad once I’ve run it out playing games . There was a brief moment of excitement when they said there was wi-fi! Brilliant! Turns out you have to pay for it. Bastards.  700 quid for a flight and they won’t even give me free Internet. If I wasn’t so lame at drinking on planes I’d try to get some of the money back. I’ll just have to eat as many bags of peanuts as possible!

I had a chuckle when the guy on my row had to turn of his kindle while I could continue to read my real book during the take off bit. One up for the old school! Don’t get me wrong I’m a fan of technology, in fact one of the few gadgets I don’t have is a kindle so maybe that’s why I took a little bit of enjoyment from that. Anyway about 2 minuets after the guy got told to turn of the kindle, while I was sitting there in a kind of selfish gloating “I can read and you can’t” kind of way, the lights went off and I found myself wanting some sort of book that’s back-lit. Damn you kindle!

Ahhaa as I write this the first peanuts have arrived! They’ve given me one bag containing about 6 peanuts and for some reason a napkin. Didn’t realise they were quite that messy. Surely you can just lick the salty oily goodness from your hand then wipe them on your jeans? Think it’s going to be hard at this rate to make my money back. I wonder how much those gay socks they give you are worth?

Now, the fancy menu they give you for the in flight meal. It’s really nicely presented like a proper menu but with a photo of an amazing fancy restaurant type meal on the front cover. Looks like black pudding with scallops and caviar and on a plate no less! You know that in reality it’s still going to be a tv dinner style meal, with an unidentifiable meat, some droopy carrots and a bread roll you could use as a weapon in a pot with plastic cutlery and some jelly or something. Mind you, despite the false advertising on the cover the menu does look ok. I’ll will write more when the meal arrives or something funny happens.

How the hell do people sleep sitting bolt upright? I must have tried about 15 different positions on this damn seat and nothing has resulted in anything resembling sleep. I even have a free seat next to me so I’ve tried the curl up into a ball over two seats thing. I’d say it’s about 2 inches away from being uncomfortable.

Anyway, the meal was ok. Edible but I still feel a bit mislead by the photo on the font of the menu. There was no back pudding, no scallops and no f-ing caviar. Let alone a plate. We did get given proper metal cutlery so I guess that’s something. I didn’t think you were allowed metal cutlery because of terrorism. Glad they’ve finally seen sense. Maybe I should go take over the plane with my metal fork just to fuck with them.

So airline review time….In my opinion Singapore airlines is better than Qantas. My only reason for saying that is the USB socket in the seat and that they come round with drinks more often but it’s the little things in something like this that makes the difference. I would have liked some scallops tho. I seem to remember the seat being more comfortable on Qantas. That might have had something to do with the codeine I was taking the last time. I slept a lot more I know that.

Currently looking forward to arriving in Sydney to go for lunch in china town and have some roast pork. That is still about 12 hours away. Oh god.

Singapore airport was ok, carpet from the 70’s which you don’t see every day. Everything seemed pretty expensive but they did have a free butterfly thing. Not sure what you call it,  a big glass conservatory thing full of plants and butterflies. Still didn’t have my camera so you’ll just have to imagine it. It did kind of seem like a nicely presented butterfly prison. Full of tourists taking photos like they’d never seen a butterfly before.

The next flight begins! Menu doesn’t look as good, they seem to be persisting with the photo of the scallops. I won’t be fooled this time! Also, should I be worried that I’m sitting very near to the door and it’s making a very ominous creaking sound?

In the first flight meal I had the sweet and sour prawns. I think on reflection I should have gone for the curry option as we were leaving the uk and the curry is practically the national dish. By that theory I will be having the fish with black bean sauce rather than the mustard chicken as we are leaving from Singapore and unless I am very much mistaken, mustard chicken is not the national dish of Singapore……Ok so it was pretty good. Somehow the fish wasn’t horribly overcooked. Pudding was tiramisu ice cream. Not a good choice. Not everyone likes coffee, like me. in this situation it has to be vanilla. It may be boring but everyone will eat it. I’ve never met anyone who doesn’t like vanilla ice cream. Mind you I’ve never met an Italian that doesn’t smoke weed so take from that what you will. Mind you Italians all love tiramisu. Not quite sure what I mean there. They say that smoking weed it the start on the road to drug addiction so maybe tiramisu is the stage before weed. A nice little public health warning for you all there. Eat tiramisu at your own risk. It starts with tiramisu, next thing you know your best friend is a crack pipe called Terry.

Realised the best position to sleep is upright without the pillow. Instead put the pillow on the side so the arm rest doesn’t dig into you. Still only managed about 3 hours sleep in 30 hours so far. That might explain the tiramisu theory.

Finishing off writing this a week after arriving I can say it took 5 days to fully recover from the jet leg. Never been that bad before. Maybe I’m getting old.

Right, first mooooovie review time. I have to say moooovie because of Austin Powers. What can I say, it’s just stuck since then. I think it’s some kind of mild torrets or something. Ok so I watched The Avengers. Bloody brilliant. The perfect balance of action, comedy and pretty girls beating people up. The best superhero film since Dark Knight and easily the best of the hulk, iron man, spiderman type films. I wont even talk about Captain America. The most rushed pointless film ever made. They should have just put a 3 minuet flash back at the start of the Avengers. Roll on Avengers 2. Oh and Iron Man 3.  Maybe I need to develop my moooovie reviews a bit more but I hate the reviews that reveal too much. I don’t care if they say spoiler alert. Why the hell would you give anything away and ruin a film for people who you know havn’t watched it yet? Go see the Avengers. 8 timmys out of timmy.

Anyway, it’s good to be back in Sydney. The Roast pork by the way was as good as ever. I’ll have to do a review of BBQ king soon. Not much more to say really apart from go there and have the BBQ pork and rice. $13 and you get a plate of rice with a load of pork and some steamed vege. Perfect.


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